December 2011
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I ended up changing my outfit, and went to the...
My dad still winced at what I put on (a 1950’s-style house dress) with a denim jacket and boots, but he accepted it. I didn’t want to point it out, but someday I might: it’s not the outfit he’s really taking offense with, it’s my figure. That conversation I pray we never have because we get awkward when we discuss what to watch on Netflix Instant. I can’t...
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Now I'm all riled up.
Really, anon, do you think that I owe him my gratitude or something? Should I have been sweet and compliant because he flattered me? Do you think women should be expected to be gracious because an unwarrented compliment has been bestowed upon them?
Anyway, what really gets my attention is this, in the following order:
1) Eye Contact.
2) Smile. This step is crucial.
Works like a charm! I...
Anonymous asked: A) What does him being Mexican have to do with anything? I don't see you putting your or your parents' ethnicities on there. B) You being uncomfortable is bullshit unless he did something like cross the parking lot to tell you that, or made lewd gestures while telling you that.
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neutralangel replied to your post: foreverliveanddie replied to your chat: well. i…
BABY YOUR EXISTENCE IS SO TOLERABLE
LET ME INVADE ALL OF YOUR PERSONAL SPACE
noncromulant asked: I guess you aren’t that bad looking and I find your existence tolerable.
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foreverliveanddie replied to your chat: well. i wondered when something like this would happen.
i’m going to go against the grain and say that was pretty fucking rude :P whats the big deal if someone says your beautiful? tons of guys do that on tumblr too…all these replies saying “my hero” or “i love you” might as well say fuck you to themtoo
Okay, I guess I’ll explain the difference...
well. i wondered when something like this would...
Mexican Guy Putting Away Carts: (to me) You're so beautiful.
Leah: Fuck off.
Mom & Dad:
Leah:
Mexican:
Mom & Dad:
Mexican:
Leah: Sorry.
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I'm dreaming of a White-Anglo-Saxon-Protestant...
My parents took me birding yesterday. My mother has a new fondess for avian lifeforms and likes to go to this dried-out lake about ten minutes away. They drained the lake for fracking, and you can see the towering spires of oil rigs across the landscape, everywhere. This lake used to be a hub, there were even restaurants and marinas, but when we got there the lake had receded so far that now the...
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WatchMy mom dropped this cat on my face to wake me up. Let me translate that for you. It means, “Wake up, lazy asshole. It’s Christmas.”
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“I’ll give you $10 if you tackle that plastic Jesus in our neighbor’s...”
– Dad
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Things I want to show you but will probably...
my mom decorated the tree with little books
The dog they replaced me with when I left for college has her own stocking and presents under the tree
She’s a boston terrorist named Roxie and I kind of hate her
She’s prancing around in a pink sweater right now like she’s all important
That bitch rides shotgun when we go for car rides
which means I sit in the back like some sort...
Listen, I'll be honest, one of my favorite things...
In L.A. I’m average and unnoticed, but when I come back home, the local yokels make me look like a Victoria’s Secret angel by comparison.
A couple years ago when I was home for Christmas my mom and I were craving french fries for whatever reason so we walked into a Burger King.
These two couples, a matching set of equally overweight and unwashed typical rednecks started staring at...
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I'm going to go get reacquainted with some tabasco...
I’m telling you this because I’m sleeping alone in my house for the first time since I moved in and I’m severely spooked. Where the fuck do all these weird noises come from? Why does my fridge make gurgling and clicking noises like the prawns from District 9? Is it sending me a message? Why do I miss my roommate’s girlfriend?
And in any case, the men are playing nice on...
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I was futzing around with my phone when I saw that...
Leah: *reading aloud to her coworker* "The idea is for participants throughout the world to have an orgasm during this one day while thinking about peace in order to emit positive energy to Earth."
Chris: Well.
Leah: Oh god, the comments are even worse. "I started early, my bad!" or "I'm gonna come! I mean...attend!" Jesus christ, I hate everything.
Chris: It's awesome.
Leah: What?
Chris: That you're so miserable. You're like a female Morrissey.
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Anonymous asked: i felt bad for some, but i'll bow before your superior judgement on how much mocking they deserve. thank you for being wonderful and conscientious.
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Anonymous asked: is there a line you won't cross with the okcupid stuff, or is everything fair game?
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I'm actually very fond of you all.
Thank you for not unfollowing me when I’m bitchy, dismissive, abrasive, alienating, or particularly weird.
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